Putting the pieces together. Trying to capture the crime. Recapture.
Spilt vodka, broken bottles, Smirnoff, shot, shot, have another shot, glass shatters. Fat fingers select a suitable sliver, a sharp shard to stroke her soft, shuddering skin.
The machine stutters with staccato bursts of frenzied freeze-frames, too fast, faster.
Green olives, red pimento pips, cocktail sticks, stuck, pricked. A rash of red on flinching flesh. Blood beading, bleeding.
The doc adjusts the dials, drips adrenalin into the brain bowl.
The murder victim’s mind is a jagged jigsaw.
The screen slows, shows scenes...
Flickers... Flashes... Finally... A face.
Fucker. Found you.
(Originally written for Lily Childs' Friday Prediction)
Really like the last line. Excellent use of sentences and sentence fragments.
ReplyDeleteWell that's not going to end well for them. I liked the rush of this.
ReplyDeleteNice one, echoes of a kind of "After-the-event" Minority report.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Sonia. I actually ummed and ahhed over the rude word, but it was right, so it stayed. =)
ReplyDeleteThank you, John. It's fun to play with alliteration in the shorter form, it helps push things to a crescendo.
And thanks, Steve. I hadn't thought of that, but definitely got that kind of feel. =)
I enjoyed putting together the jigsaw puzzle alongside the doctor. :) You always manage to use just the right words to beautifully set the stage.
ReplyDeleteThis piece was very visual. I imagined the pices falling into place.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Zaiure, Lara. I guess I'm trying to build two scenes at once, I'm glad it worked. =)
ReplyDeleteGreat feel to the piece- like trying to get that vital nugget from the mess of images before the brain dies.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Bev. Exactly, I'm pretty sure a murder victim's thoughts are not going to be the most coherent.
ReplyDelete