Wednesday, 14 March 2012

Warsmith

by John Xero


Sweat, soot, grime and beating, beating insistence. Oppressive heat and a fierce orange, bright in a room of darkness. A sparking, clanging heart.

You. Will. Live.

His thick apron armours against the flicker of fire demons. He wields a hammer of heavy iron: a brutal, simple weapon of purpose. Corded muscle lashes out as he beats metal into obedience, into life. Swords and bucklers, daggers, shields, breastplates, helms and gauntlets.

You. Will. Save.

You. Will. Harm.

The grail is lost. We men, we breaths of thought in cold metal, are all lost without it.

Find. The. Grail.

Win. The. War.





(Originally written for Lily Childs' Friday Prediction) 
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16 comments:

  1. Peter Newman14 March 2012 at 15:00

    Very nice! Evocative and powerful. Could easily be the start of a cool computer game too. :)

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    1. John Xero14 March 2012 at 18:18

      Thank you, Pete. =)

      I'd love to work on writing a computer game one day... (I suspect you might, too. ;) )

      Delete
  2. Larry Kollar14 March 2012 at 15:28

    I was trying to describe your writing to the wife yesterday. This is a perfect example. Maybe I should have her read it instead. ;-)

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    1. John Xero14 March 2012 at 18:23

      If she does read it, I hope she likes it! I'm in this to entertain! ^_^

      Thank you, Larry.

      Delete
  3. R.S. Bohn14 March 2012 at 15:29

    Perfect staccato rhythm for the material, which adds to the underlying sense of strength and power. A very analytical critique, which is to say: I love this!

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    1. John Xero14 March 2012 at 18:21

      Now that's the kind of critique I never mind. ;)

      Thanks, Becky. =)

      Delete
  4. Jack Holt14 March 2012 at 18:47

    I like. I like a lot.

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  5. Helen A. Howell16 March 2012 at 01:46

    Extremely visual, the heat, the sweat, the labour - loved this line " Corded muscle lashes out as he beats metal into obedience, into life."

    Excellent John!

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  6. John Wiswell16 March 2012 at 03:58

    This has excellent voice, John. I don't know how you got the second "beat" to establish tone and rhythm rather than read redundant, but it does, and the whole piece shines.

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    1. John Xero16 March 2012 at 14:58

      Thank you, John. =)

      Some of my 'strikes' were two-syllabled initially, but that didn't feel right. I'm really glad the piece worked. =)

      Delete
  7. Unknown16 March 2012 at 19:29

    This might sound cheesy, but I imagined this to metal music, and it just sounded that much better in my head. Love how simple the prose is and yet the mental image that comes to mind is vivid. Tells a story of its own. I definitely could learn a thing or two from that.

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    1. John Xero16 March 2012 at 19:39

      Ha ha! Thank you, Elisa. I don't think a little metal would be inappropriate. ;)

      Delete
  8. Steve Green17 March 2012 at 12:11

    I know it isn't really a connection, but the thought "Turn your ploughs into armour" popped into my mind while reading this.

    It's a very visual piece john, somehow both dark and colourful at the same time.

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    1. John Xero17 March 2012 at 19:33

      Thanks, Steve. =)

      I wanted to get that gritty darkness, but contrasted with the living brightness of fire. Glad it worked for you. =)

      Delete

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