Down in the dirty hold of an ancient, no name cargo ship Carmen was patching overalls.
Five days into the voyage an engineer had discovered her, and when the captain's solicitations got him nowhere they put her to work down here, with the rust and the rats.
At least they hadn't spaced her. She was alive, unlike most of her kind. She had witnessed the heaped bodies as she fled, enough fuel for a lifetime's nightmares.
She gazed through the porthole at cold vacuum and distant stars. Behind her, the needles danced on, stitching to the tune of her mind.
Author bio: John Xero is far too distractable. One day he will write a novel... one day...
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It's funny, with this one I started off assuming an old fashioned sea vessel, then updated to modern ship and then obviously to something more high-tech.
ReplyDeleteThe last sentence is excellent!
Yay! That was pretty much as intended. Thank you, Pete. ^_^
DeleteThis instantly sent me to 'Quinquereme of Ninevah ...' and thence the same route as Peter above. The last sentence is intriguing.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Sandra. Not come across that before, but have just dug up the poem. =)
Deletelove the contrast of 'no name cargo ship' with the rich resonance of her name Carmen. And the view out of the porthole. Funnily enough I'm not quite so sure about the last line. Why are the needles clacking behind her?
ReplyDeletemarc nash
Not knitting needles, which are the clacking type, but stitching needles, for patching the overalls.
DeleteThe previous paragraph mentions 'her kind' and the needles dancing to the tune of her mind implies some kind of psychokinesis. Or, at least, that was the intent.
It's difficult sometimes trying to convey something within the reduced wordcount; I thought it worked ok, but it's good to know when it doesn't.
Thanks for the comment, Marc. =)
Lovely writing. I agree with Marc on the last line. It sounds great but seems to come from nowhere.
ReplyDeleteSee my reply to Marc above, and as I say, it's good to know when something doesn't work. Thanks, Dom. =)
DeleteI like the suddenness of the last line, it throws the reader into where her reality is, a bit like a punch line.
ReplyDeleteMethinks Carmen may be potentially very dangerous, the mind control she uses to stitch with the needles could be utilised as an awesome weapon.
Thank you, Steve.
DeleteThat is, of course, just what the fearmongerers claim. Carmen would have been happy just baking... ;)
Great stuff, I went from maybe steampunk view to sci-fi in one line!
ReplyDeleteBut I do wonder what will this mysterious woman do once the ship reaches its destination. As Steve says, she might be potentially dangerous.
Thanks, Cindy. Events will shape her, whether she wants revenge or sanctuary... only time will tell... ;)
DeleteThis is creepy. I actually liked the last line, because we knew she was a 'stowaway' on the ship, ordered to stitch patches for clothing. To have her looking out the portholes, listening to the needles stitch the tune of her mind, lends to longing and hope, despite her nightmares, both past and present. Good work.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Erin. =D
Delete